does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
