i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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