similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize