so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
