Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
