For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
