my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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