Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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