Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
