dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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