An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
