nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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