Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
