no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
