Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Randomize
