Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
