Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
