I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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