dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
