Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Randomize
