this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Randomize
