so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
