girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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