I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Randomize
