Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Randomize
