Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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