I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
