i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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