so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
