Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
