i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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