I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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