I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
