Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
