Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
