I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
