I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
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