and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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