I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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