I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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