seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
