based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
