I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
