There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
