I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
