How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Randomize
