Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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