there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
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