If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Randomize
