Where is the hickey?
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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